Letter From A Young Girl — LISTEN!!
Whenever I hear that “you’re not alone” rubbish, it makes me smile. It isn’t a happy smile. I am alone. We are ALL alone. My father saw my cuts once when I was visiting him. When I got home there was a phone call and “dear old dad” wanted to talk to me. He just kept repeating how [only] stupid and useless people cut themselves, so I lied because I wanted to be a daughter he could be proud of, not disdainful of. I live with my grandmother, and she’s the same.
When I leave school next year (if I last that long), I better be successful or my entire family will disown me. And it’s that pressure that really kills, you know? Especially because my father is the reason I cut myself. Well, one of them anyway. He murdered my mother when I was a baby, and he’s in prison now. That’s where he saw the cuts: when I was sitting across from him at a white prison table. I say that I’ve forgiven him, but… how do you even really do that? CAN you do that? I don’t think I can. I’m not strong enough.
My friends are why I’m staying here, not my family, and even they aren’t enough. I haven’t tried to kill myself so far, but I think about it ALL THE TIME, I dream about it. It’s bringing my grades down. I cut so much I feel like I’m going to develop anemia from frequent blood loss. There are little permanent scars on my thighs and hips, and huge ones on my wrist and forearm. I used to smoke, but I quit, so now I drink more than a forty year old divorcee, and I haven’t even seen my friends outside of school in over five months.By: Just Nicole, Australia In response to the teen poem entitled “Not Good Enough“ Family Friend Poems